Remember this?

Remember this voice? That voice with courage to do what she did at the time. She confronted a church that was covering up for child abuse within it's own organization. The Catholic church covered up evidence of wide-spread child abuse, and obstructed attempts to bring the abusers to justice. If only then we would've known what we know today, thing's might have turned out a little bit different.




A few days later she was scheduled to perform at a Bob Dylan tribute at Madison Square Garden. There was this mix of jeers and cheers.

2008

Ya viene... ya viene!

Esto no esta tan mal.

Marimbas suenan en mi cabeza esta noche
Y la percusion no deja de bailar
En madera dura de color cafe.

Con tus sonidos la luna canta.
Vida mia, los aromas son memorias.
Mi alma se alborota
con cada latido que vibra incesantemente.

La tormenta pasa dejando su huella.
Los recuerdos son mas vivos despues de hoy.
Acaricias lo perdonan todo.

Mas cafe, mas marimbas.
Mas y mas.
Mas latidos, mas huellas.
Mas y mas.

Estamos tan cerca del mar
que los besos saben a sal.
Una brisa nos avisa:
Esto no esta tan mal.

Sin tildes

Sin tildes te he escrito.
Incipidamente recorro todos tus valles buscando sabores ajenos.
Cubreme con tus ojitos negros para que nadie me espante con su grito.
Cantame la misma cancion.
Bailame con ese viejo sazon.

Sin tildes me has encontrado.
Sorda la esperanza con ganas de llenar mi mundo.
Te sientes con miedo.
Me lo has dicho.

Sin tildes nos hemos visto.
Papa y papa
En el suelo y en el cielo.

Y volver

Y volver...

Y vuelvo a poner mis manos en la masa.
Pongo enfásis en el agua.
Empieza a nevar y mis cejas se llenan de rocío con sabor a sal.

Y vuelves a llamarme.
P0nes esfuerzo en el aire.
Estornudas y tomas un profundo respiro.

Y vuelve a tocar puertas.
Ella pone su pecho y él un helecho.
Ambos gritan y ambos callan.

Y volvemos a sudar.
Ponemos todas nuestras ganas en este vaivén de emociones.
Todos volvemos a empezar.

El primer sueño...

El primer sueño, despues de ya casi 4 meses.

Cómo es posible que el tic-tac se nos ha ido volando asi, sin aviso...

Y ahora es cuando el recuerdo regresa. Por qué?

Una noche de gala.

Trajes largos.

Corbatas negras.

Así fue esa noche, sin horarios que seguir.

Alguien bailó pero no fui yo.

Los dos te vimos.

Nos quedamos callados.

Y de repente lloramos.

Last night I had a dream. It was the first time that my father appeared in my dreams after he died in August. I cannot explain what was the shallow feeling that woke me up. It was sad.

But it was peaceful to see him, like I remembered him.

back from myspace

So here I am, once again. Over a month without blogging, haven't done much since myspace took over my head.
Here's what has gone on my life, for those who care.
My father passed away a week after my 25th birthday. Things have not been quite the same. I never imagined that one could have these many emotions in such a short period of time. It had been a while since I talked to him, it had been a while since the last time I saw him. And all of a sudden I miss him. How tricky life can be, when we know that people are there, but we don't stay in touch with them because of the fact that we know that they are indeed there. But once we know that they are no longer there, we have the urge to miss them. How did I let such a long time pass? I never had the chance to thank him for all the things that he did for me. Never had the chance to thank him for teaching me how to fly a kite. Thanks for working 7 days a week so we could go to the best schools. Thanks for passing on to me the love to animals, thanks for the tough love. And that guilt, no matter what anyone says, will be buried deep inside my chest.
I went back home for his funeral. Definitely not the way that I intended to return to Costa Rica. The hardest thing I have ever done in my life (and folks, I think I have gone through my share of some rough shit). To see my family in so much pain was the worse. The only thing that comforted me was that this showed me how close we are, and how much we love each other, regardless of the distance and sometimes the lack of communication.

Canción del Mar

Dos barcas, un día y una familia...

El mar está calmado

El cielo dejó de llorar por un instante,

y el viento nos dió un vasto silencio.

Fuertes son los lazos que nos llevaron hasta acá,

pero más fuertes son los lazos que nos mantienen de este lado.

El muelle está de luto.

Palabras no son necesarias en instantes como estos,

que simplemente parecen eternos.

Dulces flores flotan en el agua salada del puerto.

Y el peso del amor que te tenemos te lleva hasta el fondo.

Hasta el fondo de nuestros corazones...

Descansa en paz...

LAISSEZ LES BON TEMPS ROULER?

Welcome to New Orleans...


One year later...
And we dont' even look half of what we used to.




I don't know if I am emotionally ready to return to Louisiana... but I am planning a trip to go back to the state where I was born, where I learned how to drive, where I joined the military. The state that joyfully welcomed me back after I left to be raised overseas.
I know things will never be the same. And in a denial state of mind, I refuse to think that my Nawlins' will never be the fun city that it was.
I will let y'all know how it goes...

Tiempo a vivir

Parece que el tiempo no deja de correr.

Hoy es el ayer de mañana, mañana es el antier de otro día, y así sucesivamente.

Memorias son lo único que nos deja el vaivén de los segundos y minutos.

Abrázamos esos recuerdos y le rogamos al sol que no nos deje de iluminar.

Un hasta luego, nunca un adiós.

Crece la pena y aumenta la angustia.

Muere la vida.

Con sabor a sal, aunque a veces a cal.

Desvia la conquista y entrena la fuerza.

No enfades al mar.

Déjalo dormir profundamente.

Sólo hay una manera de agitar.

Respirar y llorar, llorar y gritar.

Que la lluvia te inunde con ganas.

Que el rocío lave tus lágrimas de metal.

Así vives con tiempo.

Con tiempo a vivir.

Common misconceptions about MRI

This is a Siemens MRI scanner, there are several kinds out in different facilities, with different strengths and different designs.




















MRI has been one of the most advanced tools in medical imaging, aiding physicians of different specialties to diagnose different diseases and pathologies. MRI, or magnetic resonance imaging, unlike x-ray, computed tomography, mammography, or nuclear medicine, does not utilize radiation. Instead, it uses strong magnetic fields and radiofrequency waves to produce very detailed images of the body at 3 different planes, depending on the body part. The exam consists of multiple scans of different lengths and different technical factors. Depending on the model of the scanner and depending on each particular test, the examination could take anywhere from 18 minutes to over and hour. You will be asked to lay perfectly still, since the scans are extremely motion sensitive. A small movement can cause a blur on the particular region, which could affect the final diagnosis. If you move, the sequence might need to be repeated, causing the exam to be lengthier in time.
A lot of people suffer from claustrophobia. There is an option to those who fear small spaces. Open Field MRI's are becoming more common, and their quality of imaging is just as good or better.
Because of its coils, the MRI scanner is very loud, it sounds like a jack hammer. Hearing protection is required during the examination.
Here are some hints if you are getting an MRI:
1. Lay still! "Hold still, don't move" does mean no, you can't itch your nose in the middle of the scan. That would be moving, right?
2. When asked to remove all metal, please do so. It's for your own safety. And ALL means what we deem necessary. Unless we are doing your finger, wedding bands are ok. And if asked to change into a gown, don't question. Just do it.
3. Your medical history will be reviewed. This will include previous surgeries. Please do tell all!
Don't just casually forget about that pacemaker that you got last year.
4. If you know you are claustrophobic, please ask your physician to schedule you at an Open MRI scanner and to give you some kind of narcotic to relax you. This will save you time.
5. Don't ask the technologist/specialist to disclose any information about the exam right after the scan has been performed. They dont make enough to tell you and it is not on their scope of practice to reveal any results. There are several images that need to be looked at, and that does take some time, please be patient. You don't want the radiologist to rush through your exam and miss something, do you?
6. You might be administered contrast(dye), the most common form is intravenous gadolinium.
For the most part, it does not have side effects and it is a small amount that will highlight certain areas to determine different pathologies. It is different than the contrast they use in x-ray or CAT Scan, it does not contain iodine. And NO, NO, NO, NO it will not make you or your pee glow in the dark. So don't even ask.

Okay hopefully this will help a little bit to those who are unaware of this medical tool. TaTa!

My neighbor

This is the letter/note I gave my neighbor after I got home last night and took the dogs out the backyard and found a beer can on my lawn. Mind you, I live in a nice neighborhood in West Omaha. I work hard to be able to afford my home and this young gal that lives next to me appears that her dad pays for everything for her to live there, so she does not take care of the property. I have talked to her about the cigarette butts before. And I still have that shit on my yard. I tried talking to her, by ringing on her door bell and knocking (read banging) on her door. But she ignored me. I knew she was home. So I decided to be diplomatic about it... but as much as an asshole as I could.

Dear Jamie,
I have a HUGE favor to ask you. Please keep all your trash (ie cigarette butts, beer cans, fast food containers) inside your home.
They blow away and end up in my yard. I especially notice this on Thursdays, after they mow the lawn and the cigarette butts are shredded all over the grass. It is really hard to pick up and I truly don't think I should be picking up after you and your multiple visitors.
It is a common courtesy and I hope it is not too much to ask for, especially since I have mentioned this to you before. And I still continue to see all of that.
Please be considerate and keep your trash inside your home.
If you have any questions, shall there be any, let me know.
Your neighbor,
George

My weak will

I've been learning to live without your company for the last few months now, but I miss you sometimes. The more I know, the less I comprehend. And I thought I knew a lot, but I am having to learn everything again. Friends tell me that everything is going to be alright, that you are not worth my pain and tears. And maybe they are right. But sometimes I just wish they would say that it must be hard to be where I am at. I deal fine with many things, but with this one right now, I am so confused. My will gets weak. I still pick up the phone and try to reach across, even though you don't love me anymore. These times of my life are so uncertain. I remember the tenderness and I can't fill these empty arms. I thought I had every single thing figured out, but I didn't. My heart is so shattered, and time- they say, will heal. But time is asking for patience, and I lack such thing. All these struggles bring us memories, life goes on. And forgive me for everything, but I am just trying to get to that thing that they call closure.

Potpurri of information

Today I got up and sat in bed for a little bit. I never do that. I just usually just lay until guilt fills my gut or I just get right up running because I am late. I didn't have to go to work until 1130 this am. It was 7am. I had an odd feeling. Unexplainable. Not depressing or not exciting either. just felt like something wasn't right, but couldn't figure out what. Maybe I won't figure it out, so I will just stop thinking about it.
I am at work right now. Not very thrilled about it either. The summer arts festival is going on downtown right now. I really wanted to go. But it is raining outside, so maybe that is a good thing that I am not there. The festival goes on til tomorrow, so maybe I will swing by tomorrow.
Also tonight, my friends Marv and Chris are having an outdoor movie night, double feature. Good times for drinking and eating and laughing. But I quit alcohol for 10 weeks (9 more to go). So maybe that is a good thing that I am not attending. Why did I quit alcohol you may ask? Well, let me tell you... I don't know. I just sat on my desk the other day and decided to quit alcohol for ten weeks. It is not like I drink a lot. I just figured that if I quit my occasional beer and cocktails I might be saving my body from some calories. We'll see how long this will last.
I got back from a great vacation in Boston two weeks ago, did some heavy drinking there with friends as well, so maybe that's another reason why I decided to take a break. I am still on vacation mode. My energy levels have decreased in a very noticeable progressive manner. I just need a booster to keep going, just need to figure out what.
I saw the "ex" two weeks ago. I am proud to announce that I finally have closure. It only took 16 months, but it got done. I do now know why we are not together anymore. I finally accepted that some things were just not meant to be. That was us. No harmful feelings. Time to move on.

Chachi and Sherman

Their Kennel stay was more than my airplane ticket to Boston.

Some of their shirts are more expensive than mine.

Cleaning the carpets from their stains results more expensive than my monthly car note.

The noise pollution is irreversible.

Their constant licking has annoyed several people.

Anal glands need to be emptied once a month.

But, oh what a joy they are...

Life now.

Well, I am still on vacation mode. Got back almost a week ago from spending a few days in Boston with some good friends of mine. Sure had a good time. I miss them and I miss big cities.
I also miss the no bullshit attitude that Boston owns, although some people might conceive that as assholey. Boston is full of pretty and fit people. Mainly because they walk, unlike here in Omaha, where we are so depending of our motor vehicles.
I am working on my MRI license, it's a post primary certification, meaning that it is in addition to my diagnostic radiology one. I am waiting to take my boards after my birthday in August, so it will start on my new continuing education cycle and get credit for it. I can't wait to get this over with. Just having it will be a key to open doors in different cities when I decide to get out of Omaha, which still in the planning. Although it is my eternal individual mental debate... I am bad a making such decisions... As stated in previous blogs, I love my jobs here, I own an affordable house, I have a small but close circle of friends in town, and it is a very easy city to get around in.
On the flip side, I can't stand the gossip, the close mindness that the midwestern owns, the fact that I can't fly home on a direct flight, and the very minimal dating opportunities. I like to think that I am not complelety desperate, but I have been single for a year and a half now and it is time to move on, right? At any rate, this license will be able to get me a job anywhere.
I am getting tired, not sure why. I've been working 64+hr weeks for the last two years. What started as a plan to save some money for the house turned out to be a lifestyle. It hasn't been bad during the winter months, but during the summer I feel a bit restrained from the outdoors when I have to be inside taking care of people. On that note... when can I find someone who will take care of me? I have enjoyed my solitude, but I am ready for company. And I know it will come when I least expect it, so I better just chill out.
The house is looking good. I had some landscaping work done on the backyard and on the side of the house. Sunflowers are growing like muscles on steroids and the stargazer oriental lillies bloomed. It looks great. I am having ADT install the security system in the house this weekend.
Besides securing my home, it will decrease my homeowners insurance policy.
My sister moved to Minneapolis. I am glad she is closer. She recently got married to a great guy. I had the pleasure to have dinner with them last week on my way back from Boston. I wish them the best of the best. I will see them again next month when I drive up there for a few days.
Who knows, maybe I'd move there to be closer to her.
Okay, I just had to ramble randomly about what is going on nowadays.
I should write in here more often and stop being so addicted to myspace.

La "Miss Peri"

A las seis de la mañana salimos de la casa. Nos pusimos de pie en frente de la panadería, husmeando la ignorada fragancia del pan fresco que hoy en día extrañamos. Esperamos pacientemente a tomar el autobus que nos llevaría a la escuela y al colegio. El bus que rondaba alrederor de la periferia de la ciudad: "La majestuosa y glamorosa Periférica", o la "Peri" como comúnmente la llamábamos. Una reina en ruedas con asientos ilustrados contando mil historias de aquel que no pudo alcanzar a pagar un taxi. Unos uniformados y otros atrasados. 60 mochilas y 40 pasajeros, todos pegaditos sin más ventilación que las ventanitas destruidas. Así se sentía el vaho. Unos sentados y muchos más de pie colgando de las barras en la parte superior del vehículo. Cuantas veces nos hemos descolgado de esa bendita barra cayéndonos, empujándonos y rozándonos. El viaje no era muy distante, pero en veces se tornaba largo. Los conductores eran viejos y gordos, como si esas cualidades fuesen requeridas para mantener su empleo. Ellos abusaban del café y fumaban como prostitutas sin clientes. Cafeína, nicotina y gasolina eran el combustible diario de estos profesionales transportistas.
Las paradas de la ruta eran las mismas, pero aparentemente no eran mandatiorias. Al menos que se gritara a todo pulmón "¡Parada!" Y al llegar a un alto, salir sano y salvo era toda una aventura. Un campo de obstáculos había que atravesar y saltar de la puerta en pleno movimiento. Que Dios nos ampare cada vez que la Peri pare...

GUESS WHO'S BACK?

Yup, mi'jos y mi'jas, c'est moi again... By popular demand (one request) I'm back here... I have been so addicted yo my myspace that I have neglected this precious blog and it's not even funny. I am on it everytime I log on into the damn laptop at home. I have wireless and that makes matter worse, because I can be on it while I watch the news, while I do laundry, while I eat... and who said I can't multitask? As a matter of fact, there is a minimized window with myspace right now. Pathetic, I know.
Well, what's been going on with me? Let me tell you. Work, work, work... and more work. Oh and some studying. I am taking a healthcare management course and it has kicked my ass. It sums up all what I should know to become a better manager in a diagnostic imaging department. In other words, it will look nice in my resume. I am working non stop since I will be flying to Boston in a month for a mini vacation. And if you have even been in the East coast, you will know that it is not cheap. But, I might not need to work all that much... I think it is just another excuse to hide my boredom syndrome when I am not working. No wonder why I am still single... who would want to date someone who works all the effin' time? I'm sure if the right person came along, I will make time. But that's another blog entry.
In an effort to look decent for Boston, I have also decided to lift more weights and enforce a strict diet. Well, not that strict, I just had pizza the other day. But I moved my freeweights to my bedroom and the scale is right in the middle of the bathroom floor, where I am forced to step on everytime I go by. I realize I won't be the skinny guy that I used to be when I first moved to the states, but I am just pursuing bigger arms and a defined torso. That's achievable.
I know it might sound extremely vain. But deal with it. I'm vain, unlike popular belief, looks DO MATTER I don't care what they say. Oh yeah, and it's good for my health.
Alright, it is almost 2am and I have to be up at 5am for another fun day of work. Plus this is not making a whole lot of sense. And the weenies are whinning for me to go to bed.
Until the next entry, fellas.
It's good to be back.

MySpace

So, to all that follow me here... (all 5 of you) I will keep blogging in here, but there is an additional site with my junk... I haven't blogged in there yet.... but visit it and add me to your friends if you happen to have a MySpace account.
It is http://www.myspace.com/linchipin
See ya there!
G.

A quickie...

I LOVE MY NEW TONY LAMAS COWBOY BOOTS.
I will post a picture later.... just got them yesterday... they hurt like a mother, but damn, they look awesome!

Lots about nothing.

So, here I am again. A bit exhausted from the last couple of weeks. I have been extremely busy at work and at home. I can hardly believe that it is almost April now. Where did the time go? I just got a card from my mortgage company congratulating me for the one year anniversary from closing on my home. WOW! One year already??? I have been in Omaha for almost 3 years! It's difficult to fathom that I've survived 5 years in the Midwest. It ain't all that bad...

So anyways... I won 3 bucks on the powerball last night :-) I never win anything. By the way, I spent five dollars on tickets...

My sister Ericka is coming on Saturday night from Costa Rica. I can't wait! She is not only my sister, but she is a great friend as well. It will be a fun visit. Even though it is supposed to snow quite a bit. Of course, I take a few days off from work and it has to snow. Stupid Murphy's laws.

I am going on a seminar to Kansas City in a couple of weeks and going to Texas the week following that. I am truly freaking out because this is the first time that I will be leaving the dogs in a k-e-n-n-e-l (we'll call it puppy camp). I am having a hard time thinking about them not being with me. I think they will be just fine, it's more me that I am concerned. I have a hard time trusting people with my boys. They are dachshunds and they are very prone to back injuries and I would hate to see something happen to them while I am gone. My other option is to have the dog walker come and spend overnights with the guys at my house, but that would be 5 times more expensive than the doggy camp. Now I feel how parents feel the first day that they leave their kids alone. Pretty pathetic, I know.

Moving on... Summer is coming up and I am still on my endeavor of purchasing a kayak... I haveen doing all kinds of research and I am pretty excited. I've studied used ones and new ones at the sporting goods stores and I am just amazed in all the different kinds. I think this will be a great hobby and I just can't wait to get back on a kayak again. And to have my own! I will post a picture as soon as I get one.

In addition, I am contemplating the idea of getting rid of cable television in the house. I waste a lot of time watching television while I could be educating myself a little bit more or when I could be actually doing housework. Or writing in here. I just don't know how many TV shows I will be able to take. It will be very hard to give it up, but I grew up without it and I think I should be just fine. We'll see if I actually do that or end up getting TiVo. There is a fine line on a decision betweem those two.

OK, that's a synopsis of what is going on my head right now... I better get back to work.

Sudor de trasnoches

El cansancio sombrío de la noche que se rinde ante el día ha sido testigo lo que resta dentro de mi. El abatido sentimiento con sabor a soledad y olor a café añejo aun me mantiene con esos ojos ya rojos de tanto llorar. "Mañana será mejor, que será, que será..." He adelantado las agujas del reloj, tratando de evadir la tristeza que ha madurado en mi piel. Sudo en mi cama pensando en el valor absoluto que tiene la realidad. El teléfono suena sin ser oído, una y mil veces... y decido olvidarlo todo y decido volver a empezar.

BOSTON!!!

Okay... so I just booked my flight to Boston... I am so f$%^ing excited!!! I am not going for another 3 months or so, but just the fact to know that I will be going on a mini vacation just sounds pretty damn good right now. And what makes it better is that I will be around good friends of mine. SeSe will be coming in from Minot, ND. Steph will be flying in from England. Wil is coming from Hawaii. Mani is coming from NY. It will be such a great time just to hang out and have a cocktail with good ol' friends. We have been doing a yearly trip for the last 3 years or so, but last year I missed it because I had just purchased the house and it was just not the right financial moment to go on a vacation. But as promised, this year I am in again!!! I can't wait to hug my best friends and talk, act stupid and make fun of people and ourselves. Sounds tacky and cheesy... but that's what we do together and I can guarantee that we will be laughing a lot. We always do. Boston sounds great... even if we met in a farm in Iowa we'd have a good time.
I can't wait...

Cardiovascularity

There it is... that stupid muscle that holds it all together. Damn organ. How such a bloody thing like that can be responsible for love and all those feelings that come with it? I don't understand it, just like I don't understand many things.

Someone will love me and reciprocate me and it will pour blood into all places...

Someone breaks my heart and that will still keep pumping blood. In and out of all 4 chambers. Make me suffer, make me hate, make me love, make me cry. What are you good for? Who needs you if I can't be with "the one"?

Random things about me that you might not know...

I have been very fortunate to have lived in different places and I've done a lot of things of different sorts. I guess I am one of those who will try anything once, or almost anything. I am thankful to have great friends and it is such a blessing since I live far away from my family. But sometimes I assume that my small circle of friends here in Omaha, know most of my life. I guess I just assume that I have told them what I've told others instead. It's hard to keep track to who I've told a past experience or anything. So here are a few things about me that some of you might not know. And if you already know it, it's just a refresher of useless info :-)

1. My middle name is Chi-Pin, it is Mandarin and it stands for Wisdom and Tranquility. That's why I carry two middle initials
2. I can do the splits and back flips, I took gymnastics for 8 years. Surprisingly I still can tumble a bit.
3. I own every season of FRIENDS on DVD, plus all the special editions
4. My favorite numbers are 7, 13, and 33. Don't ask me why
5. Grew up Buddhist at home, but attended a Roman Catholic school in Costa Rica. I think that is one of the reasons why I am so open minded and understanding
6. I'm vain... yeah, big shock.
7. I am determined to adopt a child at age 33. I am kinda hoping to go to China and adopt a little girl, no one would know she is adopted...
8. I sleep with a nightlight on and two weiners by my side... Chachi and Sherman
9. Wal-mart didn't hire me when I first moved to the US... look at me know, you f***ers! Now I proudly shop at Target. My first job was at JoAnn's Fabrics and Crafts.
10. I love it when people call me Georgie,that's what my family calls me.
11. I hate being called Oriental, I am not a rug or a noodle.
12. I had an Angiogram/ Heart Catherer when I was 2o. Due to Ephedra. Also on same year, I had 3 moles removed cosmetically. One of them left me a scar that looks like a hickie.
13. My first tattoo I got when I was 15, my friend had her own homemade tattoo machine, it was free, I just had to buy her lunch in return. My second tattoo I got to cover the first one... in Canada. Blame Canada?
14. My mom, my sisters Ericka and Luna, and my brother Jose are my ultimate heroes.
15. When I was thinner, I was hired as a back up dancer for CALIENTE, the latin version of SOULTRAIN. This was only for the one season in San Antonio, TX in the summer of 2000. I went through 2 auditions and got the gig.

"Singularity"

This one is for you SeSe. My bad for being rude and forgeting that you don't speak Spanish. It ain't that great anyway. Translated pseudo poems aren't are meaningful as in the original language, they actually suck. Somehow something gets lost in the translation process... Just read the following and you'll see what I mean.

Singularity

Time's weight and it's path do not have a begining nor an end.

The mirrors don't have memory anymore, they never did.

We do not speak in plural tense anymore, loneliness lives around here and it avoids your presence in me.

The foam is not in the sea, not any longer. It now lives in a white box hidden behind wooden doors.

And it's just like that how I start counting backwards until I fall asleep; until I start dreaming, until I see the sun shining on me again.

Singularidad

El peso del tiempo y su camino no tiene principio ni fin. Los espejos ya no tienen memoria, nunca la tuvieron. Ya no se habla en plural, la soledad habita por estos rumbos y evita el presentimiento de que estes aca dentro de mi. La espuma no esta en el mar, ya no. Ahora vive en una caja blanca escondida detras de esas puertas de madera. Y asi empiezo a contar para atras desde mil hasta quedarme dormido, hasta que vuelva a sonar y ver el sol brillar.

Kayak, anyone?

So as it flurries outside today and I am waiting to order my Indian Fusion food, I once again remember how much I want to own a kayak. I live near a large man made lake, I can see it down the street from my house and I already have the SUV to transport it. Too bad it is frozen right now and too bad I don't own a kayak. But I am very interested in purchasing one in the near future. I had the intentions of using my income tax return moola for this purchase, but unless you can buy one for 150 american dollars, I think I am out of luck.

Kayaking is awesome. The last few times I've kayaked I've had an incredible time. Well, the last time I think I was a bit under the influence of pina coladas in Mexico... :-) Just look at the picture, I am giggling a bit too much.

It is great to be out in the sun surfing the water... I hope I can buy one for cheap for this summer. And I also wonder if Chachi and Sherman, my weiner dogs, would like to ride on it. Chachi has his own life vest, so it would be kinda fun to do it. Sherman is kinda of an old nazi grouchy pissy pants, so I doubt that he would like it.

And guess what? If I ever move back closer to the coast(which I intend to do eventually) I could always bring my kayak! I really really really really want a kayak...

Google, u-hauls and dreams

So, I'm back again. I didn't write anything because I truly didn't have anything positive or interesting to write about in the last couple of weeks. My life seems to be pretty boring right now. I work up to sixty something hours a week and then come home feed-pet-chase the dogs for a bit and then go to sleep. My gym card hasn't been swiped in a few days either. And my books and study guides are collecting dust and/or growing mold. I have this upcoming Saturday and Sunday off. I try to schedule myself a full weekend off out of the month, but sometimes this doesn't happen. If I stay at home I get bored out of my mind and start thinking, and let me tell you, when I am alone and thinking it could lead to many things. I start Googling places where I would like to move, I start calling people I shouldn't be calling for one reason or another, and I remember how things used to be, instead of thinking how things could be.
I've been in Omaha for about two and a half years now. I enjoy this city, but I am still searching that feeling of belonging. I do have it made here. I have a great career, a lot of room to advance, opportunities to further my academics, and a killer home, oh yeah, and let's not forget my new Explorer. I've made very good friends in here and I am truly blessed for that. But somehow there is something missing. My heart tells me that is the fact that I am single and I have no one special to share this with, and my guts tell me that is because I am not in a city that has a direct flight to San Jose, Costa Rica, where my family is. I am not entirely positive on what it is.
Maybe it is a mix of them both. I wish I could pack and move to a city where I could have more chances on ending the singleness and a city where I could be a direct flight away home. But I am not ready to start job hunting, or packing and moving. I've moved so many times in the last eight years that I am packed out. That doesn't count all the friends that I've had to pack or unpack. Let's face it, moving is a bitch. There is nothing exciting about it. Well, of course, unless you had won the lottery and big fat men were u-hauling all your belongings to a great mansion.

Urbanoscope

"I turn the radio on, another annoying deejay playing the same old songs irritates me. I flip through my television, two hundred and thirty something channels and I still think there is nothing to watch. Expensive cars that we can't afford and bigger egoes to go with them overflow the city. Culture is now, to me, nothing more than a bad coreographed ballet and exagerated abstract art hanging down from a loft's ceiling. The green is replaced by neon lights and the blue sky is covered with brick clouds. There is a spa that claims to bring your stressed soul to your natural self... in a basement downtown?

My clock tics faster than what it used to. I feel it's running away from my screaming nerves. Time goes by and I'm still standing here waiting for the rain to soak my anger away. But it's still dry in here. It's so arid that my chest has cracked open and my heart spilled out. Now somebody please come and rescue me while it's still pumping, and later... later, I will decide if I want to live like this or not..."

Memories

To Sandra and Jitanshi... 5thMDSS, whoah!
A few great memories...
Warm Kudos bars...
Officer Club Lunches...
Latin Night...
Gym time...
Blind Duck...
"Go Jita WOOOO!!!"

New Ride

Here it is... my new vehicle. My first SUV. My first vechicle that is other color than white. I flirted with the idea of a new car in the last two years, but I prolonged the agony of being attacked by a car salesman, plus I was waiting for the right financial moment, which I am still not positive if it is now. Anyhow, with the great assistance of my friends Marv and Christopher, I decided to get the Ford Explorer. Nothing fancy, not the BMW X3 or X5 that I wanted originally, but this is a very nice truck. I am now at the same height of the rest of the neighborhood, I blend in with them. All what I am missing is a spouse and a herd of children.


YOU LIKE?

Secrets

Every day at work, I deal with people that suffer from claustrophobia. I really didn't understand the whole concept at first, but then I started thinking about my own fears. Some of them have a story standing behind them, and some of them have no rational basis whatsoever. What are your fears? Here are a few of mine. (in no specific order)

1. Snakes of any kind or size
2. Loneliness
3. Cancer of any form
4. Becoming blind
5. Rollercoasters
6. Teethless people smiling at me

FE PERDIDA

Anoche soñé despierto. Como si fuese un pobre pensador en un trance eterno cerré los ojos y me dejé llevar por mis propios deseos. Me invadió la nostalgia al inundarme de recuerdos olvidados hasta entonces. Cada respiro y cada latido fueron completamente sincronizados al compás de mi llorar. Cómo es que nunca había sentido esa sensación a dulce amargo... Extraños son esos días de lluvia. Ahora una sequía vive dentro de mi gritando y golpeando cada fragmento de fé que una vez hubo en mi.

A week's update

My deepest apologies for not posting anything in here for a while. In the last few days not a whole lot of different has occurred. I've been busy working all my jobs, attempting to study, trying to keep Chachi and Sherman out of trouble, trying to keep myself out of trouble, dealing with my insomniac nights watching spelling bee championships on ESPN2, making the sketch in my head of how to strategically start spring cleaning my house, patiently waiting for my W2s, doing laundry three times a week, taking to life that January work out fever, thinking about why shit happens to good people (I've had 4 patients in the last 10 days diagnosed with some form of malignant cancer), developing an interest on television- The Book of Daniel has caught my attention, deciding on my next vehicle purchase, and listening to my repurchased XM satellite radio boombox.

When does one move on?

I heard it on Saturday. I tried to keep my face with the same muscular mold that I had at the moment. I didn't want to alter that facial expression to match the one that was inside of me wanting to weep. Although I wanted to loosen up my lacrimals, I took a deep breath in and clawed myself to avoid any kind of negative impression. And even though I wanted to scream and punch the wall ,I just tilted my head and made a shitty attempt to smile. 5 minutes it's all it took for me to find out that I haven't moved on. That I am in the same emotional state as of the day I decided to stop hurting. But I must have gotten stuck in the process. I haven't tilted far from that day.
Things haven't resumed to what they should've been by now. Now? Now I just spell my next move, not too far from where I started, so no one can get injured. Now? Now I might be two seconds away from recording a country album.

Good times remembered

Stephanie, myself and SeSe.

Huna Huna Huna... Luau

Minot, ND/Aug 13 2003

ESPERANTO

In the last few years, I have developed an afinity to languages. I was raised in Costa Rica, speaking Spanish and at home we spoke both Mandarin and Taiwanese. We were fortunate enough to attend private schools that were trilingual. Besides Spanish, we had to learn English and French. I am not as fluent in Mandarin as I am in French, and I am not as fluent in French as I am in Spanish. Spanish has a slight similitude to Portuguese and Italian, so I tend to pick up on these last two fairly well.
In August of 2002 I was living in Masirah, an island off the coast of the Sultanate of Oman in the Middle East. I worked very closely with people from India, Pakistan, and the natives from Oman. So it was then when I took interest in learning very basic Arabic and Hindi. I am still disappointed that I did not go beyond what I needed to know in order to survive while there. But I was only there for three months and most of the locals knew English anyways. I think both Arabic and Hindi are extremely fascinating, but extremely difficult as well.
I have encountered several moments in my life at different levels, personal and professional, where I was thankful to know several languages. I would like to say that because of such skill I have saved lives and I am a financially secure, but that's not quite the case.
So in my efforts to stay awake on my working marathon this holiday week, I have been researching about languages over the internet. Google is such an amazing tool! I've heard about Esperanto before, but I didn't know much about it. I've heard a couple of songs from a Mexican pop group called Kabbah and they had a couple of really good songs in Esperanto. It sounds like a fascinating language, apparently easy to learn and it is very "international".
Here's what I found:
Americans have long heard the cliche that "Wherever you go, people speak English." In fact, at most ten percent of the world speaks English! Often, in other countries, only people in the best hotels of the largest cities can use English, and even they are often not very fluent. Anyone who has visited a foreign country and struggled with the language barriers understands this. Americans are at last discovering what the rest of the world has long known: there is a real need for an international language.
Fortunately, there is such a language... Its name is Esperanto. It was created by Dr. Ludwig L. Zamenhof, a Polish physician, who published it in 1887. Of the many projects and proposals for an international language over the centuries, Esperanto is the only one that has stood the test of time and is being spoken today. It is in daily use by millions of people all over the world, and the number is growing constantly.
Many international meetings are held in Esperanto. Some of the largest international firms put on special advertising campaigns in Esperanto. Hotels, restaurants and tourist resorts compete for the patronage of the Esperanto-speaking traveler.
Esperanto's impressive success as the language of international communication is due to three basic advantages. It is easy to learn. It is politically neutral. And it has many practical uses.
Esperanto is much easier to learn than any other language. In fact, it can be learned in a quarter of the time needed to learn a national language! The spelling is easy: each letter has exactly one sound. The pronunciation is easy: there are no strange combinations of letters to create new sounds, and the accent is always on the next to last syllable. The grammar is easy: there are only sixteen basic rules, with no exceptions. (That means, for example, that there are no irregular verbs.) The vocabulary is easy, too: many international words are used, such as telefono (telephone), biologio (biology), and matematiko (mathematics). Esperanto gives a very "natural" impression in spoken or written use; and, because of its high ratio of vowels to consonants, it is often said to resemble Spanish or Italian.
Esperanto also uses prefixes, suffixes, and interchangeable endings to reduce the number of words to be learned.
In short, Esperanto has been rationally constructed for ease of learning. This has made it especially popular with busy men and women who cannot spend years learning a foreign language, which would be useful in only a small part of the world.
Esperanto is neutral... The second major reason for Esperanto's success is that it is neutral. It belongs to no one country. Many people in America and England say that English is already spoken so widely and is such an "important" language in the world that it should be officially adopted by all nations as the international language. This view is very unpopular in many countries.
This attitude is not merely because English is one of the most difficult languages to learn. The newer nations of Africa and Asia are very reluctant to accept English (or any major language) for international communication because of the political overtones.
The Western nations have also shown their sensitivity to questions of linguistic equality.
Esperanto is not the property of any one nation, group of nations, or social class. It belongs to everyone. It has no political or historical implications to hinder its acceptance. Every person who uses Esperanto is on an equal linguistic footing with all other Esperantists. Esperanto's popularity in smaller nations and in Asian countries, such as Japan, is largely due to this neutrality. This promotes a spirit of friendship and brotherhood among Esperantists which is quite impressive to everyone who sees it in use.

Interesting, huh? After reading about it, I have decided that I would love to learn it, it has all the basics from other languages that I already know. There are some free basic courses online and they seem fairly easy. I just signed up for one and I am ready to add it to my resumé.

Please Service Engine Soon

I am not a car expert, not at all. The most I know about the automobile industry is which luxury class vehicles I would like to own someday when all this hard work pays off. I can honestly tell you I don't know how to change the oil in my car. Why should I? About a year ago I bought some expensive tires and they came with a lifetime of free oil changes. I am fortunate enough that I have never had to change a flat tire, and I believe that I just jinxed myself for mentioning that, but that's the truth.
When I was 17, I was taught how to drive on a Dodge Colt, it was stick shift and I was sweating profusely after the first lesson, which was driving 3 blocks to the gas station down the street. So, the next lesson a few days later I did better, but then I never received anymore tutoring until my neighbor decided to move on in life and get rid of his 1986 Chevrolet Caprice Classic. So I decided to purchase that thing that looked like boat to me and with only less than basic driving skills, a lack of a driver's license, and 300 dollars later, I drove off from his driveway to mine. That was a big stepping stone in my life. At age 17 I've had purchased my first ride, I have never owned anything that big before. So with that mentioned, I was almost self taught on how to drive, so I must admit to not being the best driver on the block. That Caprice Classic at its price had some complications and since I wasn't eloquent enough to fix it, the next logical thing to do was to sell it and find another car in hopes of not having engine problems. I was glad to sell it for the amount of 500 dollars.
In essence, I've had a few numerable incidents with vehicles that just proofs my ignorance about mechanics. It truly scares me. I don't like to see all the lights shining telling me all this things that could be wrong. I work in healthcare and feces, urine, vomit, burnt skin, open fractures, lacerations and needles don't bother me at all, but once those beeping and blinking ornaments on the dashboard start flaring up I panic instantly. What could possibly be wrong? Let it be something minor! I pray each time that occurs.
I prayed today. My car decided to serenate me with sounds and visual effects of yellow and red colors. And naturally, I had some anxiety over the situation. I took instant action and I decided to take it to the shop, my car needed that free oil change anyways, so timing was perfect. What wasn't so perfect was the price to digitally diagnose what all those lights and beeps where all about. Seventy dollars to plug my car to a computer system and detect why was the Service Engine Soon light was on? Well, if i didn't done so, I would have never found out about some upstream and downstream caps, rear and front hoses that have been plugged up with some sort of buildup for quite some time, causing all the carbon monoxide to be enclosed, flowing into my ventilation system. Yes, you have guessed right. I was inhaling it. I've had some CO breathing treatments on my way to and from work. Oh, and to the grocery store, to the clubs, to the mall, and to the veterinary clinic. I had just figured that my brief daydreaming moments in front of the stoplights were just consequence of my physical and emotional exhaustion. I was getting high while listening to satellite radio. I was causing my blood to become bright red, since that wonderful gas tints your blood as a side effect.
What could've happened if I had ignored that signal? What would've happened if my car didn't have that feature? Could I have been one of those statistics of "driver falls asleep on road causing fatal accident"?
Was that light on my car today a double signal? Maybe it was my cue to wake up from my carbon monoxide dreams and start taking action about servicing my own engine soon.
Shouldn't life have that light that turns on when you confront a harsh emotional condition? Wouldn't things be much easier that way? Service Engine Soon, mend that broken heart, fix your unstable mind, and plug yourself to to get your own disfunctional feelings together.

A mad week

So here I am, trying to fight a sinus infection that has lead to severe headaches and congestion. I am also afraid that my digestive system is not acting properly. Timing couldn't have been worse. I am scheduled to work double shifts all week except Wednesday. I have to tough it out.

Mon 0700-1530 MRI
1700-2230 Peds
Tue 0700-1530 Surgery
1700-2230 Peds
Wed 0900-1730 MRI
Thurs 0900-1730 MRI
1745-2230 Peds
Fri 0900-1730MRI
1745-2230 Peds
Sat 0700-2300 Surgery Call
Sat/Sun 2300-0700 Radiology
Sun 1100-2230 Peds
Mon/Tue0700-0700Surgery Call

And it goes on and on... So, in order to survive this week I have decided to approach different methods. The first one is to think about all the money that I will be banking to stay warm, as you can recall, my heating bill exceeded 250 american dollars. My car payment is 260 bucks.
Also, I will also remember that I should be grateful to have excess opportunities to work and not lack of employment. And lastly, I must remember how my parents have continuously worked all their lives in worse conditions that I have without all the ammenities that I currently enjoy.
So here's to a great strong week. I am going to bed now.

$250.02

$250.02 That's how much my heating bill was. Absolutely ridiculous.

I love my weenies

Chachi Alfredo Hunter Lin Finkerdink is the red/dappled standard doxie. He's 3 y/o and is a mouthy little canine. I've had him since he was 7 weeks old.
Sherman Fonzirelli William Lin is the black/tan standard weenie. He is approximately 7 years old, not sure since he is a rescue from the Nebraska Humane Society. He's another lippy pup.

George's 2006 Strategic Plan

Ok, here's the time of the year for resolutions. It's that time of the year to look at your accomplishments and plan for new ones. Look at the scale and pray for a better one. Time of the year to attempt to be a better person.

GEORGE'S 2006 STRATEGIC PLAN

1. Get into the BSRT Program at UNMC, -it's a great way to get into Medical School.
2. Take the American Registry of Radiologic Technologists MRI Boards by April, -it will make me more marketable.
3. Succesfully complete the Air Force Diagnostic Craftsman, 7 Level Course, -once completed I will be elegible for promotion to Technical Sergeant (E-6)
4. Learn the Phillips-Marconi Eclipse Mobile scanner, -once again, for marketability purposes
5. Fly to Costa Rica, make sure to make plans to spend time with family. SAVE!
6. Complain less about trivial things, bitch more about relevant issues
7. LOSE WEIGHT. Keep up with fitday.com Maintain exercise habits, but change eating habits! I DON'T WANT TO BE A BEACH WHALE
8. Add more money to the Roth IRA on a monthly basis, -that's a big part for my dream retirement
9. Spend less money! Save save save save save... Sherman and Chachi don't need Kenneth Cole clothes or Burberry leashes.
10. Learn something new. Enroll in Violin lessons or Tae-kwon-do. Only one, not both of them.
11. Spend more time thinking before speaking
12. Watch less television
13. WIN THE POWERBALL, BECOME RICH AND F**K ALL OF THE ABOVE!

Since 1998

I hate the fact that this is going to sound like a pitty party but I'm homesick. It certainly is that time of the year when families get together. I don't get that chance. Maybe by choice but mostly because of the lack of monetary funds to afford to go back and see my family. I have made other choices, such as owning my first home at age 23, having an amazing credit card debt and having to work a second and a third job to pay them. Those choices are extremely rewarding, and constitute an enormous part of the American Dream, but keep me from going home right now, not so "dreamy" now, heh?
Even though I don't show it enough or say it enough, my family is the most important thing in my life. Yes, that same disfunctional and out of the ordinary family is the one that I terribly miss at the moment. You'd think that after me being away for 7 Holiday seasons I would be used to it by now. But I am not, that's not hardly the case.
It's hard to answer people asking you about what your plans for Christmas are. I just smile, tilt my head and say: "I'm working". Indeed, I do offer to work long shifts during the holidays to reward myself by letting my coworkers spend time with their families, they do have the chance. I also work a lot to avoid sitting at home with an empty dinning room table and a heart full of nostalgia staring at the TV. And I am fortunate enough to have friends in town that will offer me a seat in their table at their homes if I was not working. But I can't do that. It's like eating in front of the hungry. Watching other families getting together to celebrate is an act of masochism. I don't need to be reminded in a bold way that I am alone without a family nearby. And I know that those are not the intentions of those who invite me over, I know that their intentions are to make me feel welcomed, make me feel like I am part of their families. But no family can be compared to mine. It is a feeling that inevitably occurs.
I miss my mom's extravagant cooking. Her pride and joy. I miss the smell of the blend of traditional Costa Rican, American and Taiwanese food. Tamales, a turkey, and chop suey. That aromatic fusion that only my siblings, my parents and I would understand how to savour at two o'clock in the morning when we finally sat in our designated seats to enjoy that feast. It was like a secret code. I miss watching a movie after the early morning meal until the sun rised. I miss talking to my sisters about nothing and everything at once. I miss my mom's version of a Christmas tree. I miss my brother's silence. But most of all, I miss enjoying each other and being right next to each other. Physically.
I worry about how my brother feels when he thinks about his son not having his uncle around. I imagine my sisters' conversations, I miss them. I miss talking with my best friends. I ask myself if I have made my father proud. I wonder how my mom feels when she looks over and realizes that the seat that I once took is still empty. I hope it doesn't hurt her as much as it hurts me not to fill it. I hope she doesn't cry when she goes to bed on that night like I have been doing every single year, since 1998...

TO DO LIST (part one)

Two years ago, on the way back to North Dakota from a long weekend trip to Nebraska, two of my dearest friends and I decided to have a check list of things to do before we die. It was an extensive yet realistic list of well planned objectives. No rules were stablished but the one that anyone of us could check the item off if accomplished. Not all participants were required to achieve the goal as long as one got it done. Well, SeSe and Steph... here's the list from what I can vaguely remember.

1. Take a picture of a rainbow ( I did this one about a year ago, and I think SeSe got it as well)
2. Take a picture of a lightning bolt- that shit is hard, by the way
3. Find out how mechanically separated chicken is created ( we found out, but we forgot)
4. Go to the Heineken brewery
5. Go to a Diva's Concert (I don't know about Se and Steph, but I went to Cher 7 or 8 times, Britney Spears, and let's not forget Clay Aiken)
6. Get the Oscar Meyer wienermobile and go barhopping (this one is the one that must be accomplished by all of us, and SeSe gets to drive. I called shotgun, sorry Steph)
7. Attend a PFLAG meeting

There were plenty of additional items but my head itches at the moment and I refuse to scratch it to bring my memory back.

Where's home?

Where's home? That's the most frequently asked question in my day to day survival rounds. Of course, that is followed by Are you Hawaiian?
Any one would think that such interrogation should be a fairly simple question to answer. A no brainer, one that should flow by inertia, one that you recite with your lips before your thought processes anything else. That's not the case for me.
Sometimes I wish I could just hand out a card with my background bio with pictures, maps and a glossary of terms that define my past. But if I did, no one would read it. Instead they would resource to gossip and start creating this persona errata. And that's when I suddenly become Laotian, Samoan, Peruvian, Japanese, Sri Lankan, Filipino, Chinese, Mongolian, and sometimes, believe it or not, Native American. But for the most part, I am defined as Hawaiian by remote guesses.
Its understood that for many caucasian Americans it is difficult to distinguish features and characteristics of the above mentioned. Which I totally comprehend. I can't tell you if my boss is Italian, Czech, Polish, German, French or Irish by her looks. But why so many unacertive guesses? Everytime that I am asked that question, seems like it's a drunk blind folded darts tournament and I am the board.
There is not a possible way for me to answer that question in one simple sentence. Maybe with my broken, limited, incomplete, and accented English I could do so. But I am certain that many English scholars would suffer an acute myocardial infarction and/or a rectal bleed from reading a punctuaction lacking paragraph transformed into one singular sentence explaining where I think home is.
And I don't think that I have ever given the same recited answer. Why should I? Everyone will ask me that question differently anyways. Not everyone knows where the places that conform the answer. Not everyone can decode my accent. And no one, definitely, no one can understand it.
Maybe we as a society tend to network with equals. It's just a natural trend. We try to stablish relationships at various levels with those who might have something in common with us. Gays will find gays. Boricuas will find boricuas. Hawaiians will find hawaiians. Because that is our packing nature and we can't help it.
And that's what I try to do with myself. I try to lean to my Asian side... my fellow Taiwanese inmigrants. But there is some resistance because of my accent when I speak Mandarin and my iliteracy in such language. I wish I would've learned how to write and read Chinese.
So then I lean towards my Spanish speaking side. Which I have to generalize to latinos since I haven't met more than a handful of Costa Ricans in the US the almost 8 years that I have lived here, granted not many Costa Ricans leave the pristine beaches to live in the cold frozen tundras of the northern plains like I did. And shortly after socializing with latinos, I realize I am just another outcast because of my looks.
I am to Mexicans, Nicaraguans, Guatemalans, and other latinos a chino that freakishly speaks perfect Spanish. But they don't trust me because I can be just a poser.
A US born citizen that can't speak perfect English that doesn't fit in middle America
A Taiwanese lost soul that can't read Mandarin
A Costa Rican shadow with almond eyes that speaks perfect Spanish and dances Salsa
A ceviche eating, mango loving, rice fed, hot dog craving, apple pie baking, black bean farting, pot sticker dipping, beer drinking kinda guy that knows how to tango, how to origami, and how to two step.
Home is Costa Rica, where I grew up. Home is New Orleans, where I matured. Home is Taiwan, where my parents call home. Home is San Antonio where I became a man. Home is Minot, where I met my best friends and had my first winter. Home is Omaha, where I bought my first home. Home is Hawaii, where I want to richly live.

Quand retoirnerai-je?

Quand retournerai-je ? Le compte des faits jusqu'à aujourd'hui n'ont pas été plus que des moments isolés qui en s'ajoutant comptent une histoire simple. Je n'ai jamais appris à chanter ni à toucher le piano. Mais si j'ai appris à admirer à Mecano. Je n'ai pas appris non plus à jouer aux échecs. La seule stratégie que j'ai eue a été celle de donner le maté jaque à mes pensées. Et peut-être avec faute, j'ai appris à être un de consommation, un de de ceux-là qu'il ne peut pas cesser d'obtenir des choses matérielles. Mais je ne puis pas non plus cesser d'obtenir des mémoires de jours passés. Mémoires de la mer et de sa chanson, oiseaux tropicaux en volant dans le ciel métropolitain, un théâtre inondé d'amis, l'arôme du café, la pluie en criant du pardon. Toutes ces choses triviales qui me remplissent le coeur avec celui-là battu instable.Quand retournerai-je ?

Cuando volveré?

El recuento de los hechos hasta el día de hoy no han sido mas que momentos aislados que al sumarse cuentan una historia simple. Nunca aprendí a cantar ni a tocar el piano. Pero si aprendí a admirar a Mecano. Tampoco aprendí a jugar al ajedrez. La única estrategia que tuve fue la de darle el jaque mate a mis pensamientos. Y quizás con culpa, aprendí a ser un consumista, uno de esos que no puede dejar de obtener cosas materiales. Pero tampoco puedo dejar de obtener memorias de días pasados. Recuerdos del mar y de su canto, aves tropicales volando en el cielo metropolitano, un teatro inundado de amigos, el aroma del café, la lluvia gritando perdón. Todas esas cosas triviales que me llenan el corazón con ese latido inestable.
Cuando volveré?

Holiday Bliss

OK, with the holidays in the air(gag), and all that white crap mixed with sand looking like a giant shit slush out there, I have decided share my own holiday spirit for a little bit. Here are the things that piss me off about the Christmas, Hannukah,Ramadan, and Kwanzaa seasons. Whatever you wanna call it. I personally prefer "that nasty fake cold season", but it's just a matter of opinions. Here's the list.

1. "Christmas" sweaters. If you are old enough to dress yourself, you should not be wearing one of them. Biggest holiday fashion faux pas. I don't care how cute the snowman in your sweater with blinking lights is. Look at yourself in the mirror, if you sport Santa Claus in your chest and you still think you look adorable, think again. Once again, you are old enough to know that Santa does NOT exist and he does not endorse you wearing his distorted image.

2. Expecting presents. Last time I checked it was Jesus' birthday. Mine is in August, then it will be my turn to receive presents.If yours is in November, then you should have received your presents already. If it is in January, then wait a couple of weeks and you will get your turn. Unless your birthday is Dec 25., then you have all the right to expect them. That just plain confuses me, who's birthday is it? yours or baby Jesus'? Who can afford to buy presents to all their family and friends? I think that is just rude. Not very holidayish when you are all broke after buying presents to people that you really don't like.

3. Hate crimes against fruitcakes. People talk trash about those baked goods but they still keep making them. Confuse me?

4. Not color coordinated Christmas trees. First of all, I think it is sad to kill a tree that is purifying air, doing its own thing in nature to decorate it in an unfashionable manner. But whatever, if you decided to kill a live one and then let it die sllowly inside your home at least you should consider decorating it decently. How many tress look like the rainbow fairy puked all over them?

5. Humming people. I don't understand why coworkers and random people in general decide to hum more often during this time of the year. Humming just signifies that you can't sing. And it is also an open invitation for me to kick your ass if you dont shut the hell up. (I get bonus points if you are humming Silent Night, Jingle Bells, Santa Claus is coming to town or Rudolph the Red nosed Reindeer)

6. Snow. Need I say more?

7. Happy faces where they don't belong. They say... "smile, it's the holiday season". I agree, go ahead and smile, be nice to me, let's be nice to each other... but not JUST this time of the year... What happens during the rest of the year? Do you say in July "Don't smile, it's not December yet"?

8. People calling me Scrooge. Just because I am not too fond of this time of the year because it's commercialism, doesn't mean that I am that character. Plus, unlike him, I do have some lights in my porch.

I hope you enjoyed my little holiday spirit, the only one that I have.

EXCUSEZ MOI

REMIND ME AGAIN... WHAT IS THAT WHITE WET CRAP OUT THERE ON THE GROUND AND WHY DID I CHOOSE TO LIVE IN IT?

Solo

I wrote this a few weeks ago. Uncertain of many things, I decided that loneliness, after all, wasn't that big of a bitch.

"The day that I had encountered loneliness was, ironically, the day that I had felt I was in best company. It might had a little bit of a flavor, the savourish smell, and the texture of ripe fruit. I could never understand how we interacted with one another as human beings, but I certainly knew that we needed one another. I feared the day no one would ever be around me, but I also feared those days where the impact of socialism would emerge into an agoraphobic moment. An emesis of emotions bouncing off the walls that could have not contained themselves if I would have never learned how to cry and how to sob until it hurt".

Invisible Fence

Is being territorial an unexcusable state of mind or truly just a defense mechanism? Take a look around. We are all building these fences around us. Fences that are pseudo-protecting us from all harm and danger. But are we protecting us or are we protecting everyone else around us from our wicked selves? I refuse to think that there is an invisible barrier between those who we love, and that everytime we try to reach out to them it will emit some sort of shock wave right through our system. That same shock that we get time after time after trials of approaching emotions just to find out how impossible it is to break through that invisible line.
Tough love, folks. But it's still love.

Where I Stand

I am not the smartest, nor the most skillful person
that you will ever meet. I cannot give you more than
my humble work and my opinions.
Ever since I immigrated to the US (which in
questioning, I am not sure if that is the correct term to use since I was born in
New Orleans), I have expected more of myself. Maybe
all the TV shows describing what an American dream
looked like had set higher standards about common
life, and maybe my foolish self had decided to wander
into that imagery of happy endings, success, and
(sometimes) fame. I am not saying that I had expected to
be the next international singing, acting, or dancing
sensation. But I did always envision a broader horizon
in the land of opportunities.
And such opportunities arose. Just in a slightly
different manner than those shown on TV.
And naturally those so-called opportunities were
camouflaged underneath long, hard working hours at
minimum wage, insomnia, selling shoes in the morning
and setting up seasonal displays in a fabric and craft
store at night. Then more hard long working hours with
slightly above minimum wage. Many times it came
hidden as solitude.
With my limited English skills and my inadequate level of
maturity (or, rather, lack of it) I managed
in an orderly fashion to get my act together. Perhaps joining
the military had a lot to do with it. I fell
into that trap, but I must admit it has been one of the
best things I have ever done with my life. I was always
told what to do, how to do it, and when to do it;
which I was already accustomed to since I attended
Catholic school growing up. That pattern was
sometimes hard to fit on my free spirited soul, after
all, I was never the "well behaved" child in
school. But after some effort and some concentration,
things slowly started to come together. All of a
sudden life seemed to be a bit less intricate and sometimes
even blissful. Don’t get me wrong, that last one
was fairly scarce, just like a preview of what could
happen, which to the moment I still believe it’s just
a plain and tasteless tease.
I often try to make sense of what is going on around
me. I am an observer, and by definition, I do admire
those little details that often go
unnoticed. But, I am an observer of that what is
around me, and not what is within me.